I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
