I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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