Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
