member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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