I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
