What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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