You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
