these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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