i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
