Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
