I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
