dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
