It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
