so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
