i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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