can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
