I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
