shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
