somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
