i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
