At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
