So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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