My first STD was from a foam party
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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