I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
