I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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