nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
