pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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