Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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