I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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