i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
