So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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