I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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