I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
