i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
