Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
