He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
