Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
