im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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