Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
