we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
