Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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