ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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