the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
