When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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