im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
