sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
