You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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