So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
