babies were throwing up all over the place
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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