A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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