theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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