oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
