we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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