google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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