I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
