Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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