I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
