obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
