Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
