i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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