I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's rum buckets o'clock
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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